The time has come to make our way back to my mother in law's home. It has been three months and the house has been vacant through a cold winter. We will begin our six and half hour trip very early in the morning so that we can make it in time for church. We cannot make this visit without going to church because the members of that church are now our extended family. They were there for the most difficult three months of our lives. They were our strength when blood turned their backs on us. They bought food for the house and gave us money because they knew we were traveling approximately 700 miles a week going between our house and her house on the weekends and we only had my husband's income. Those trips were not only an emotional stress but they were a financial stress. Of course the emotional stress outweighed the financial stress because we were losing someone we loved.
I hadn't put much thought into it until the last day or so. I am nervous about going back and the feelings are starting to creep back into my heart and I am fighting them and the more I fight them the worse they get. It took me three months just to be somewhat normal again and I was getting used to the idea that she was gone but knowing that we are going to be pulling into the driveway and not seeing her pop out the door with excitement that we are there.....I don't know that I can handle that, I just might break down. I know that I have to be strong for my husband because that is the only home he knew growing up. He doesn't know that home without his mom being there. It will be difficult for all of us.
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